Pre-Thanksgiving Leftovers

So, not a lot of new stuff to put up right at the moment, but I did want to do a bit of follow-up from the end of October. It was fairly busy, and we did have at least two big events that I wanted to mention.

The first was Don's (Torrey's Dad) 50th birthday party. The whole

family spent most of the day at Don's condo, mingling and celebrating the man that raised Torrey. Torrey has done so much to help all of us, and he lays the praise squarely at Don's feet. I've heard him tell time and time again that if it wasn't for Don adopting him, he knows that he wouldn't have the happy life that he has now, and wouldn't have the resources to help all of us the way he has. So, besides being a great Grandpa and good friend, we have all that to thank Don for as well.

It was a pretty gala event, with a towering cake and a ton of guests.

Michael Ramirez did a lot to set up and organize the event, and we all chipped in before hand with a little elbow grease to help out. There were somewhere around 40 guests in Don's condo, so moving around required a good imitation of salmon swimming upstream. Highlights of the party included a video montage of all of Don's guests commenting on Don and their history with him, and Siddha, who was, as usual, the hit of the party.

The other big event at the end of the month was Halloween. The family as a whole has a good time, even though Torrey usually ends up working at the Costume Shop, which is

a good family friend of ours that is understandably swamped around this time of year. Everyone had a good time, with the kids Trick-or-Treating just before sundown around Lisa's neighborhood and scoring a ton of good loot. Lisa decorated her house, and was apparently so scary

she managed to keep a few of the younger kids from even making it to the door.

The kids costumes were adorable in their costumes, and even Lisa and Bill got into it. If

this was a photo blog, I'd add in a couple of dozen

great pictures we took of the kids in costume, Dan and

Megan in their amazing Daphne and Velma costumes, Torrey in his

Fabulous Fire thing, the house in all it's spooky Halloween glory, etc etc etc. But, if you're read

ing this, more likely than not you have our Flickr links with all the photo's up there. If not, look up on the right at the small montage of images,

and click on it to go to our photostream. Between use and the girls we probably have a hundred pictures up from that night, so there's plenty to go around.

Anywho, I'm going to leave it off there for now. I'll toss up another post fairly soon covering Tre's birthday party(ies) and the 54th Street Zoo Adoption Day gala.

And the season of Feasting and Pumpkins is upon us!

Good afternoon! You're regularly scheduled blogger couldn't be with you, but I'll happily be filling in.

It's been a couple of months since our last blog post (not that you'd have known it around here, time just flies when you're busy.) September was an excellent month. Tre started school at UCP (Unitarian Cooperative Preschool), which is a co-op preschool currently at the local Unitarian Universalist church (affectionately referred to as UU's). For those of you not familiar with a co-op school, they basically use time and effort donated by the parents of the children attending the school to off-set or reduce costs, allowing them to focus more on the students than on budgeting. It also works to create a greater sense of community, as the parents work together and teach each other's children in class. Tre's been thriving at UCP, and the fact is evident just in his attitude about school and the responses we've gotten from his teachers and the parents that have worked with him in class.

"Do I go to school today?"

"Why don't we go to school today?"

"Can I go to school tomorrow?"

To go along with the sense of a shared community that UCP fosters, they also have a number of social events, either to address administrative issues with the school or just to further the ties between the various parents and children. For instance, between mid-August and the beginning of November, we've had three potlucks and group outing already. It's a little different for those of us used to the public school system, where you never met another kid's parents unless you were friends with them, and the parents certainly didn't get together with your teachers on a regular basis to talk about things and plan out the agenda in the classroom. But, like I said, Tre's obviously thriving, and it's work we're all happy to do for him.

Another big event in September was Carol's (Bill's sister) wedding. She married Jay, her finance of several months now, up in Portland. The wedding was fairly low key, just friends and family, and unfortunately obligations and costs prevented us from taking the whole family up. However, Bill was able to take Siddha, so the Butter Bean got her first plane flight. Aside from a little of the normal grumpiness, she performed admirably, and she was a huge hit at the party after the wedding. She made the social rounds for hours, and Sara (Bill's other sister) commented she was the "hit of the party."

Towards the end of the month we wrapped up with the Annual Family Matters Picnic. The biggest thing I appreciate Family Matters for is their ability to create events that kids can relate to even outside their queer family's, but also an event that kids can relate to internally, since all the other kids there have queer family's too. I know a picnic or a BBQ isn't really anything special in and of itself, but being around other queer family's always allays some of my worries about sending my kids out into the world outside our home. Let me see if I can articulate it...I want a place where my kid feels don't feel different because they've got gay Dads. I also want my kids to experience normal things, but I don't want to have to deal with the potential issues of going to straight gatherings with my alternative family. Family Matter's picnic is the perfect combination. Normal activity (jumpers, face painting, bbq, and all that good stuff) with queer parents. Bill even got some footage of Tre and Nani going down the big slides.

Now that we're reaching the end of October, it feels like a profoundly full month. One thing to note about our blended family is that we've got a ton of birthdays in October. Don, me, Dan, Lisa, just to name a few. I think there's about four more as well. We've got more birthdays in October than we do in all the other months combined, I think. So a lot of this month flashed by in a series of birthday parties and events, like dinner and Dave and Buster's , dinner at the Dumpling Inn and desert at Tea-n-More (cute little tea shop on Clairemont Mesa Drive), and then a birthday trip to Bates Nut Farm. The farm is also a pumpkin patch, and they had a huge sort of fair like assembly of tents, games, arts and crafts, not to mention a straw labyrinth and pony rides, and pretty much fair food. They had a jumper slide there, and of course the kids wanted to ride it. I was surprised though, because Tre got to the top of the stairs, and then just waited for awhile instead of immediately coming down the slide. I figured out a few minutes later that it was because he was waiting for Nani, who's a much smaller child, to make her way up the line and get to the top, at which point they went down together. It sound a little cheesy, but I was really touched that he took that effort on his own.

Anybody who knows Tre also knows that he's not the most comfortable kid around animals. I'm not sure what the source is, but he'll just about run across the street to avoid walking next to a dog, and I'm pretty sure the cats are okay only because he has to live with them. So, I was pretty blown away when he immediately decided upon arriving that he wanted to ride the pony ride. Bigger animals == more comfortable? That I was not expecting. He was a trooper though, and didn't even get upset at all when we put him up there and strapped him in.

He went the whole time and had a blast. Who knew? We're pretty sure the way they were chained to the merry-go-round piece in the middle they may have seemed more like amusement park rides than animals.

Immediately after the BNF we followed up with another Family Matter's event, the indoor Halloween Carnival. Siddha was absolutely adorable in the lady bug costume that our friend Katy bought us, and as you can see, the Batman Tre took his cupcake making very seriously. Nani was also there, resplendent in Hobbit Gear. For all the reasons I described above I really enjoy these sorts of events, and the kids had a great time as well. It was a bit of a long day though, and pretty much every crashed after we got home.

Have I mentioned that for most of the weekends in October Torrey's been working at a family friend's costume shop? So not only have we been winging it short a Dad with a bunch of these events, but Torrey gets home beat from wrangling customers all day too. I have to admit, I'm really glad that one of us wants to stay home and take care of the kids. I can't imagine what we'd do if we got to the end of the day and all of us were wiped out from working full time jobs.

As a note, Tre went to no less than three pumpkin patches and two Halloween fairs/carnivals this month. The boy gets around, no doubt. And it helps that we've got a loving bunch of people surrounding us that all want to take our kids out and have fun with them.

As Siddha Bidda Butter Bean (our personal favorite pet name for the baby) gets older, Tre is starting to find her more and more interesting. It's obvious the feeling's mutual.

She spent about 20 minutes altogether, just watching Tre bounce around the room and laughing her head off. It's nice to see that Tre gets a kick out of entertaining her too. It bodes well for the fact that they'll be living together for at least the next 13 years.

We're preparing, as I write this, to head on over to the girls and take the kids trick or treating around their neighborhood, and then retire to their house and watch movies and hand out candy to the kids that come around. There's just not a lot of kids that come by our house, so it's become a bit of a traditional to go over to Lisa's. Tre's anxious to wear his Batman costume again, and we've got this adorable Godzilla costume for the baby, so look for pics to go up on our Flickr page pretty soon.

Changes, They Keep A-Coming

Once again I find myself scrambling to post something before the month passes me by. We've been coasting along on the new-daddies-to-a-newborn track fairly well while still letting the Boy know he is an equal part of our lives as the Butter Bean. The support has been awesome and our families have been a huge part of our success.

I put up a HUGE batch of pictures to Flcker so feel free to take a look. I hadn't realize how many pictures we had lying around to be posted, it ended up being a few hours of work but well worth it. It gave me the chance to actually relive the last few months over with a little perspective and it was awesome to see all the little things I had missed in the moment but that had been captured by the camera.

We took our trip to Santa Cruz and had a blast, it had to have been the best wedding we've been to to date. It was relaxed, intimate and so approachable. We felt like we had stopped by a friend's house and happened to come by during a great party. It was a mini-reunion as well - seeing many of our Northern California friends we hadn't seen for some time. The ceremony was sincere and honest - perfectly reflecting the couple. It was fabulous to take the whole family to all the happy places we know in Santa Cruz and weave them into those memories.

While up north we got the chance to swing by Apple and let people see the new baby and meet Treonte. He had a a great time - they have walls in Apple you can draw and write on. I posted a video of him being his happy self while we were there. Bill's co-workers were all incredibly eager to see the kids and we got waves of geeky support and love while walking the halls in his building. They had all pitched in for a portable crib and it was welcome addition on the trip. Babies have so much......stuff for lack of a better word and having a mobile command center for it all made the whole experience pleasant.

Siddha is vocalizing left and right. The loon-like calls and whimsical sing-song cries now greet us in the mornings and call us to task through out the day. She is not a baby prone to crying but rather she will give one disgruntled yell and then wait to see if we respond. I spent an afternoon watching her where every time I was not in line of vision she would call out and smile when I returned. She's smiling, laughing and grabbing things to taste them. She spends her waking moments now aggressively interacting with us and her environment. She is almost sleeping the night through so we're all very happy about that. She was put on about 3 lbs and 3 inches (1 inch/lb per month) since birth. She is doing great and is a content little person.

We have an appointment next week to start the official adoption process with Tre. The waiting period has passed for his birth parents to file an appeal and now we can start getting all the paperwork in order to present to the court. Our social workers think we should have the adoption finished by late October at the latest. We're trying to be excited but guarded about it. I know it's going to happen but who knows exactly when. The idea of being able to say Tre is our son in every sense of the word is intoxicating, I literally reel from the idea. To know he is our son and that no one can take him away on a whim is profound. Having been in foster care over half of my life and having once faced the daily feeling of impermanence, I for one will sleep more peacefully when he is adopted. It will also be wonderful to say to Tre that NOW he is adopted.

We still haven't had a chance to visit Deisha & Darnell but I am hoping to set up something up in the next month or so. I know I want to see how they're doing and give Tre the chance to see that people don't always leave your life forever. It will be a great chance for D & D to see the baby as well since all they saw was a very pregnant Leng. Our hope is to get together with the Baileys (Bill and his kids James & Jasmine) and them. To have a reunion of sorts with everyone in that area.

We went to Soak City again this year and had an excellent time. We invited several different families (Lae Lae, Rowena, Nathaniel, Katie, Nia, Lisa, Leng, Nani etc) and rented a cabana by the wave pool. We arrived just as they opened and left shortly before closing. I don't know how many of you recall the Boy's fear/anxiety around water but he is completely different child now. He eagerly went from activity to activity, relaxed and open to trying new rides. I love seeing him trust the world around him and looking to participate in things as fully as possible. Seeing children with crushed spirits carries for me a lingering sadness, it breaks something inside. To watch him breathe and live has been a gift. We have enjoyed this outing so much that it has officially become a Family Tradition.

My dad and his boyfriend Michael took the Boy to a baseball game and it was an outstanding success. My dad has really come through for me as a grandparent. I had little doubt that he would but I hear the horror stories of estranged relatives or open bias against adopted children. The struggle to have the children included and given equal consideration as biological family and I am glad to say I have had no such problem with any of my family or Bill or Larry. Even my dad's friends have made Tre the official mascot for Queerspawn and make him the center of the their world when he's around. I love my queer village.

That's all for now and as usual we welcome any and all to visit or make a connection with us down here in San Diego. I will be trying to make more connections myself in the next month with all of you. Till the next post, be well.

1 Month Down

A month has already passed and it's been great here at the Zoo. Siddha has already begun to put on weight, hold her head up and roll from her stomach to her back. Day by day we get to see more of her personality as she explores this new phase of her life. She is prone to staring and grabbing right now. Her favorite activity right now is to lay stomach down on a daddy and then raise her upper torso and lock eyes. She will look for awhile then slowly start panning her head around to see what else is around.

Leng's parents have been in town for the last few weeks and it has been incredible to see them interact with Tre and Siddha. They have been very open to our strange little family structure. They accept that while we may be odd we have built our family on the same fundamental principles as many of the families before us. Love, trust and hope. Well at least we have. :) They have greeted them with zeal and sincerity. I am happy to see that this part of the plan has worked out almost perfectly.

Larry's mom also came out for a visit as well and she was wonderful as usual. She reconnected with Tre as if no time had passed since their last meeting. It was reassuring to see Tre bonded/bonding with the adults around him, particularly the ones we want him to I'll admit. It is gratifying to watch him have normal healthy relationships with the people around him. He talks about friends at school and his teachers. He talks about events in his past and connects them to the his present. He expresses excitement about seeing other family members and clearly understands their place in his world. Grammy Jo was also a great help with Siddha and was awesome to have her here for the extra pair of hands. She even took a night with the baby so we adults could get some downtime. It was wonderful to have some time with her and to catch up. Larry always loves the time she gets to spend time with him and it was awesome to see him with her.

I know we have had many cries of more photos and we have been taking pictures so no fear there. I will try to find some time this week or next to get some posted to our Flickr account. I think we've got our routines down now so I should be able to get some time to sit in front of the computer and get photos sorted then posted up. Keep an eye out for the new stuff.

This month is going to be busy for us. We have Pride (Tre and Siddha's 1st) here in San Diego, a wedding up in Santa Cruz and a trip to visit Darnell & Deisha up at their new home. I'm curious to see how Siddha takes to the travel and new places during the month. I know Tre has been eager to take trips and vacations so I know he'll be fine. I am looking forward to Pride as a family and to show Tre the big wide world of other kids with Queer parents. I know he is always eager to see things that relate back to his family and life.

Well, that's it for now. We're all doing fine and welcome any visitors to the house to see the baby or Tre. :)